 Bullies won’t hurt you anymore |
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Brenda Turner I am a Counsellor, an expert in Bullying Resolution and a multi award-winning author. Over the years, I have learnt how to deal with bullies effectively and efficiently. I now help victims by showing them how to overcome their fears to stop the bullies easily. I grew up in a domestically violent family, “sibling rivalry” was rife and it didn’t get much better at school either. This was followed by workplace bullying, then into a domestically violent marriage. I lost a dear friend who committed suicide because of a bully. I had an accident that caused a painful physical disability and became even more of a target for the bullies. One day, I finally said “enough”. I was very dismayed with all the bullying that was going on around me, I was desperate for a way out of this horrible existence. I took some time out to study bullies, to work out why they do it and why they chose me. I sought the answers so that I could become bully free. This journey took me to all sorts of dark places, I went into the bullies mind, trying to understand why they do what they do. Then I read notes from Counselling sessions between a bully and a Psychologist that were “accidentally” left at my house by a bully. Wow, what an awakening I had. I realized just how easy it was for this bully to worm their way into my life and that my life had become a complete lie. |
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"I am sincerely grateful to you for writing this wonderful book." J.H. |
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I came to the realization that bullies are not after money because poor people are bullied too. Bullies can be male or female, it is not a gender or inequality issue. So what are they really after??? Bullies are only after the one thing, power and control. However, you may not be powerful, so why do they bully you? What is it that the bully is really after from you? Why is bullying so prevalent today compared to 30 years ago? When I went to school, there was only one bully per school. 25 years ago, the statistics rose to 1 in 10 people would most likely be bullied. In just a few years this sky rocketed to 1 in 3 people were being bullied. Bullying is a career choice, they start learning young, practice on other children in school, moving onto cyber bullying, workplace bullying, domestic and family violence, even elder abuse. They will use whatever tool they can to abuse their victims to keep them frightened, including using the system, which to this day appears to be a victim’s downfall. What still shocks me today, is these so called “blanket bans” and “zero tolerance” policies that schools have. They do not allow for any violence, clearly stating, when a victim was hit by a bully they were not allowed to defend themselves else be punished too. In every country around the world, victims are allowed to defend themselves. So effectively, schools were teaching children it is not ok to stand up to bullies. A mother called into a radio station one day to say that her child’s school policy was that a bully had to attack a victim 3 times before it could be reported. I am not a punching bag for a bully, the law states I can defend myself. If a person comes up to you on the street and hits you, you are allowed to defend yourself without fear of punishment, but in the school, it had to happen multiple times and you weren’t allowed to hit back. This shows us why bullying is allowed to flourish. The take home message for victims, is that it is not ok to stand up for yourself, that you have to take the abuse else get punished, shamed or dismissed as an over-reactive dobber. These children grow up to believe the same rules apply in adult life, which puts them at a very high risk of being stuck in a domestically violent relationship, fearing for their lives every day. This is how I grew up and the system response is still the same today. |
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"There are no words to describe how your book has changed everything for me." Queen Hyslop “Wow, reading this book, I can really relate to the author”. Jo-Anne |
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So that I could be bully free, I looked for and found the right formula, the right attitude and know all of the bullies secrets, they really aren’t that “scary” after all, when you know the truth. With decades of experience, education and research along with my philosophies of life, I know the only way to control bullying is for us, the people, to take charge of it in our own lives. Once I learnt how easy it really was, I decided to share the secret with the world. Three years in the making, Bullying What are we really scared of? was announced as the Best Self Help Book by the prestigious Pacific Book Awards 2018. A Finalist in the Best Self Help Book by Book Excellence Awards in 2019. Selected for a Gold Winner Award for Education/Reference by the Elite Choice Book Awards 2020. Silver Award for expertly delivering a thought provoking theme that is easy reading, fluent and powerful using appropriate language by Literary Titan 2020. I was inspired to write this book because I have found the right formula and seeing how many people were suffering and even dying because of bullies, I wanted to share my winning formula with everyone. No matter the label the bully is called (workplace bully, cyber bully, domestic and family violence perpetrator), they are all the same and use the same methods to abuse. The only difference between a bully at school and a domestic violence perpetrator is the level of experience they have mastered. They gain experience by practicing their skills on us. Once they leave school, they have mastered the art of manipulation and can easily snare victims. Stopping them early is key to stopping domestic violence, workplace bullying and even elder abuse. |
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My work has gained a lot of attention, especially from teachers who see and experience bullying everyday, but feel powerless to stop it. After speaking with many preschool teachers, I have learnt just how bad bullying has become in the early years. This led me to write a Children’s book to help young children understand and deal with bullying at this early age. With Bullying What are we really scared of? having been designed for the older audience, it was time to bring my knowledge to the younger generation. If I can stop victims being affected by bullying when they start school, then that takes away the platform for young bullies to begin any sort of bullying career. I strongly believe that if we can create a world with no victims, the bullies will have to conform to treating people with respect and dignity. I live a free and happy life without bullies, you can do it too! You have the power, you have the ability, I have full confidence in you because if I can do it being a disabled person, then everyone can do it. Learn how today! |
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